Let the Light In…You are WORTHY

Let others inspire you. Let the light in. Just because the darkness feels intense and your work here on this earth right now is to NOT spiritually bypass all that is your soul and all that is you — doesn’t mean that you don’t get to let the light in too. 

Let the barista at the coffee shop —who proudly states your drink and hands it to you as if she created the most magical serum this earth has ever known; “decaf half flavor gobble gobble mocha with oat milk!” — let her fill your heart with warmth as you take your first sip.  

And then. Let the loud blenders behind you make you angry that you can’t focus. Let the physical pain in your body make you feel sad and depleted. Even if you feel you have “nothing to show for it.” Let it all out and let it all in. 

I’ve been racking my brain lately. Letting my brain work overtime thinking my way out of hard situations and strained emotions. It’s worked so many times in the past — so why does it feel like it’s not working any more? Well, perhaps. Perhaps it’s because I can’t think myself out of this one.

As a somatic body worker, you’d think I could more easily understand and accept the idea that emotions live all over the body; thinking your way out of them will only skim the surface of the actual driving forces of that emotion. But my body has created this story that lives so deep inside my bones; the story that I am capable of thinking myself out of a difficult emotion. 

I know where the story comes from. But that’s not enough.

I know what I need to do. But that’s not working fast enough.

I know, yet I have no fucking clue how to listen.

I hear the word “surrender” so often in the feminine embodiment world. The world of feeling your feels (man or woman) and not allowing anyone to tell you you’re not worthy of any emotion. 

But what does that feel like? To fully surrender? 

I have studied extensively the wording and the stories behind other people’s experiences. But have I even had my own; or have I been living in theirs trying to fill an endless void?

If I sit here and breathe into that space, I am surrendering. I am allowing myself to slowly, but surely- surrender into a space of discomfort. 

I am allowing my body do the work without fully understanding it. I’m allowing my husband and others around me to be a driving force of love and light and support. I’m allowing myself to do nothing if I actually feel like doing nothing. 

It feels like not enough. 

It feels gross and messy. It’s so messy, I genuinely feel like I could cry and live off brownies and half sweet oat milk lattes for the next week and that would be okay.

So what do I do? I allow it. 

I allow my fingers to not know what to type next. I allow my body to feel heavy as I feel the urge to cry in the middle of this coffee shop.  I allow myself over and over again. Until I get clarity. Or until I can’t live that way any more. Whichever comes first. 

Hoping and praying the former wins.

But, ALSO. I can let the goodness fill my soul just as these messy moments continue to arise.

What am I not doing? Manifesting. Manifesting can provide such a false sense of control when you’re doing it out of desperation. 

So instead, I’m allowing curiosity into that same space. I’m releasing the need to control.

I am surrendering. I am manifesting a place of surrender.  A place maybe not of total clarity. But a feeling of freedom would be nice. A feeling of peace and ease and full allowance into whatever this place is. I am letting both the light AND the dark in. All of it. And I’m trusting that in it, I will feel that peaceful feeling I am so desperately seeking. Because in this place of ease, I know I have already “found” it. I just have to give myself permission to access it — ALL the time. Any time. Because I am so worthy and so are you.

Sending nothing but love to you all. 

Tara Lynn C.